Penis artist tries again in Archibald
Article from: AAP
February 20, 2008 06:32pm
A CHEEKY artist who uses his penis as a brush has entered a racy self-portrait for Australia's top art prize.
Australian Tim Patch, who calls himself Pricasso, usually exposes his talents at sex product fairs around the world, but has decided to go upmarket by entering a painting for the Archibald Prize - the nation's top award for portraiture.
In a unique painting style, Patch does not use paint brushes, but his penis to apply paint to the canvas.
"I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break," Patch said to the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper today.
Patch entered a painting of a plastic surgeon in last year's Archibald Prize, but failed to impress the judges.
This year's entry depicts a nude Patch, wearing only a hat, holding a blank canvas to hide his "brush".
The Art Gallery of New South Wales in Sydney expects up to 700 portraits to be entered for the 2008 Archibald Prize, with the finalists to be announced in March.
Daily Telegraph 20-2-8
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,23246990-5001028,00.html?from=public_rss
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'Silent' Xmas song climbs the NZ music charts
By New Zealand correspondent Peter Lewis
An unusual music CD has made it to the big time in New Zealand this Christmas.
It is two decades since Sir Bob Geldof and the Band Aid team first posed the question, "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?"
This year it got New Zealand's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals thinking.
So they recorded a CD single, 'A Very Silent Night', as a fundraiser and a timely reminder for people to share the Christmas spirit with their pets.
But if you happen to catch a snippet of it, do not try to adjust the volume - because you will not hear it.
The song was recorded at very high frequencies so only a dog can hear it, and it struck such a chord with animal lovers that they have pushed it to number three on the singles charts.
ABC 25-12-7
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/12/25/2127127.htm
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Puppy latches on to urinating man's member
By staff writers
December 14, 2007 07:44pm
A DRUNKEN man urinating through a fence got a nasty surprise when a playful puppy in the adjoining lot latched onto his member.
Kann Veasna took a break from drinking wine at a street stall to relieve himself through a hole in a fence, according to news agency DPA.
However a puppy spotted the Mr Veasna's appendage as it poked through and apparently thinking it was a toy latched on, newspaper Rasmei Kampuchea reported.
Suffering lacerations Mr Veasna fronted up to a hospital in Phnom Penh for treatment and was forced to tell the embarrassing story of injuries.
"It's undoubtedly sore now, but luckily it should still be useful to him in the future,'' a doctor was quoted as saying by DPA.
Daily Telegraph 14-12-7
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22925782-5001028,00.html?from=public_rss
. . . . . .
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
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Salzburg shoppers to put husbands in 'creche'
Posted Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:00pm AEDT
Women in the Austrian city of Salzburg will this year again be able to pursue their shopping with abandon over the Christmas period, free from sourpuss boyfriends and husbands.
For the second year in a row, a 'creche' will be set up in the town centre where women can leave their partners for a few hours so that they can hunt down all those last-minute presents, without a bored and whingeing spouse.
In a large white tent set up on Salzburg's central Herbert-von-Karajan square, the men will be able to play computer games, leaf through newspapers or magazines or simply have a drink at the bar with co-suffering "shopping widowers".
From December 13 to 23, women can "surrender" their partners at the tent's entrance free of charge between 4:00pm and 10:00pm (local time).
They are given a numbered ticket which they then have to present on their return to collect their spouse.
Salzburg toymaker Andreas Stadlbauer came up with the idea of a so-called "Maennerhort" or "men's creche" last year.
It proved such a success - with about 1,500 men found refuge there from the shopaholic tendencies of their 'better half' - that he decided to repeat the venture again this year.
Indeed, Mr Stadlbauer has even patented the name "Maennerhort".
And with big-name corporate sponsors, he is planning to set up similar creches in Vienna, Hamburg and Munich.
In Germany, where men have a reputation of being particularly averse to shopping, the creches might even operate all year around, the entrepreneur suggested.
- AFP
ABC 1-12-7
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/11/30/2106812.htm
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WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.
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Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis
Article from: Reuters
From correspondents in Moscow
August 22, 2007 07:01pm
A WOMAN set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said today.
Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".
The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation.
The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.
"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper.
"I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."
Daily Telegraph 22-8-7
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22289561-5001028,00.html?from=public_rss
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'Too sexy for my bus', German woman told
July 16, 2007 - 8:54PM
A German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the southern town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy.
"Suddenly he stopped the bus," the woman named Debora C told Bild newspaper.
"He opened the door and shouted at me 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'"
The woman, pictured in Bild wearing her snug-fitting summer outfit with the plunging neckline, said she moved to another seat but was humiliated by the bus driver.
A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.
"The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," the spokesman said.
"A bus driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."
© 2007 Reuters
SMH 16-7-7
http://www.smh.com.au/news/World/Too-sexy-for-my-bus-German-woman-told/2007/07/16/1184559702793.html
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Dolphin voyeurs kill the mood for saucy submariners
Monday Jul 16 14:00 AEST
By ninemsn staff
Some of the world's richest people are reportedly using their private submarines to indulge in deep-sea sex in front of panoramic marine vistas.
But these aquatic trysts are sometimes interrupted by groups of voyeuristic dolphins, which excitedly tap on windows with their beaks.
One of the world's top designers of luxury subs, US Submarines president Bruce Jones, told Bloomberg that dolphins were a problem for the amorous owners of his multi-million dollar vessels.
"Dolphins are easily excited when they sense people making love. They get jealous and bang their noses against the window," Mr Jones said.
The best solution was to block the dolphins out with a set of curtains, he said.
Another top designer, Herve Jaubert of Dubai-based Exomos, told Bloomberg his clients wrestled "with how to conduct a deep-sea love affair in front of an observation window without creating an underwater paparazzi".
Around 100 luxury submarines are believed to be submerged in the world's oceans, but it is not known who owns the majority of these undersea palaces.
Russian billionaire Chelsea Football Club owner Roman Abramovich has a submarine, as does Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen.
NMSN 16-7-7
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=278856
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